Episode Transcript
Proverbs 15, God willing we'll be expounding verse 1.
Brother Rick, is that doorbell working?
Excellent.
Excellent.
Proverbs 15, verse 1.
The title of the message tonight is A Tender Response.
A tender response.
The proverb we're studying tonight has been perhaps my favorite proverb to memorize and apply in my life.
And it's been tried and proven by me and by many, many people who have applied it in their lives over and over again.
And if you'll memorize this proverb and you'll apply it in your life, then I promise you on the authority of God's word.
It will save you and those around you so much unnecessary trouble in your life.
It will help you avoid conflict and enjoy peace.
And who in here wouldn't want to avoid conflict and enjoy peace?
I mean, I know I do.
And all these wonderful benefits begin, the Bible says, with Look in your text now.
A soft answer.
A soft answer.
When we think of the word answer, we usually think of answering a question.
Someone asks you a question and you answer it for them.
And that's not really the meaning of the word, and not even the meaning of the word answer in English.
What the word really signifies is a response, a response.
It can be verbal, it can be nonverbal, but it's a response.
It's how you respond to a given situation.
When we answer the telephone, we're simply responding to the phone ringing.
We're saying hello, and that's our answer.
When we answer a question, then we're responding to the question that's asked, but it's our response.
But speaking, again, is not the only way to respond.
This week, I saw a video of a young woman who got angry because a McDonald's restaurant had put onions on her hamburger.
And she went back to the kitchen and started pulling food off the shelves, throwing it on the floor.
We've seen videos like that before.
That was her response.
To them putting onions on her hamburger and getting her order wrong.
And if there's one thing that woman hates, it's onions on her hamburger.
You know, but that's a foolish response.
But that was her answer to the situation at hand.
You see?
And so with that in mind, I think we all could agree that that was not a soft answer that that woman had.
In fact, it was a hard answer, or we might say a harsh response, right?
A harsh response.
The Hebrew word translated soft here doesn't necessarily mean quiet.
It can mean quiet.
But you know what?
You can have a harsh answer by being quiet, can't you?
You've seen someone be nasty nice, and they'll talk like this and soften their voice, and it's really a harsh response.
And so it doesn't necessarily mean quiet, but it really means tender.
Literally in Hebrew.
It means tender.
Last week, Benjamin cut his hand pretty bad.
And Sunday morning, He came to church and he still has his hand all wrapped up.
Put your hand up there for the camera.
Boy, look at that.
I'm telling you.
His hand all wrapped up.
And what do you think Benjamin would have done if Sunday morning he would have walked in with that on his hand and fresh from the hospital?
And someone would have walked in and said, Hey there, Benjamin, how you doing?
And just grabbed hold of that hurt hand and squeeze it with a nice, firm handshake.
He'd have been, ah!
probably screaming out loud.
His mama would have been trying to pull the people off of him.
And and you know, that that that would have been that would have been bad.
That's not the way you should treat someone with a damaged hand.
We're not even going to touch that hand, are we?
Now, there will be a time to touch it.
Do you ever have changed the bandage on it or anything yet?
No.
But if she were to have to Then she'd be real tender with it, right?
You know how you are when someone's hurt, they got a sprained ankle, something you're real tender.
If you have to touch it.
And so when you're thinking about that, that's the idea of a soft answer.
It's an answer, it's a response. in a given situation that treats that tenderly.
Why would you be tender with his arm?
Because it's damaged, and if you don't treat it tenderly, you can hurt it.
And if it's already hurt, you can make it worse, can't you?
You can hurt it even worse.
Having a soft answer when we're talking about a damaged hand, a soft answer requires us to realize that in this world we're dealing with damaged people.
There's not a person in here that's not damaged in some way.
We're all damaged goods.
I tell people, I tell people, this is my summation of life.
That we were all broken people living in a broken world waiting on Jesus to come back and fix everything.
That's really what it boils down to.
We're broken people living in a broken world.
Waiting on Jesus to come back and fix everything.
So we have to realize in our interaction with humanity that we're dealing with damaged people.
They may not look damaged.
I told Miss Tammy this morning when I rolled in for work, I study people.
I love people.
I do.
I love people.
And I like studying people.
And I told Miss Tammy this morning that when I pull up to work, I like watching people as they get out of their cars.
And they're grabbing all their stuff.
And you can see the look on their face.
They just woke up.
They just got out of the shower.
They're thinking about all the junk they got to do at work, all the junk they got to do when they get home.
And they got their act together, and they're kind of stumbling out of the car.
You know, they're starting their day.
And that's what I see when I look at them.
But if they see me make eye contact with them, just like this.
Good morning.
But that's not how they're feeling.
They're feeling, like Dolly Pardon used to say, stumbling through the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition.
That's the way they look when I see them.
And the reason is, people can cover up.
How they are on the outside, everybody is damaged on the inside some way.
And so they're tender to the touch.
And they may be tended to touch about certain things.
If I were to squeeze Benjamin's left hand, or excuse me, his right hand, then wouldn't have a problem.
Now you squeeze his left hand, you're going to have a problem.
And some people are really, really strong about some areas.
You can deal with them in certain areas and not have any trouble at all.
But then there's those sensitive spots.
And you know not to deal with those sensitive spots.
Remember Barack Obama?
You talk about anything but his ears.
Ever since he was a kid, he got teased about his ears.
He asked the reporters, he asked people to quease.
Please don't talk about his ears.
He's a grown man, he's a president.
But you know what?
Everybody's like that in some way.
And so be tender with people.
And not just. .
People who are prone to violence, but all people.
Especially if you know they're hurting, especially if you know they're upset.
Especially if you know they're emotionally troubled, and the fact of the matter is a lot of people are hurting, upset, and emotionally troubled. and you don't know about it.
We don't know what people are going through during the day, because a tender answer will be less likely to irritate tender people.
A tender answer will be less likely to irritate tender people.
If you don't want to make someone angry, then make this part of your life.
Practice at all times a soft, gentle response to people.
Now, that doesn't mean you're not masculine.
I like being masculine.
Doesn't mean you're not tough.
We want tough men.
We want gentle ladies, don't we?
But I'm talking about responses that aren't condescending, responses that aren't filled with anger, responses that are respectful to people, that are kind to other people.
And not only will a soft and tender answer be less likely to make people angry or to upset them.
But soft answers even have the ability to stop anger altogether that already exists.
Solomon says a soft answer does what?
Look back in your text.
It turns away wrath, and in the Hebrew literally means to turn it around and send it back.
Turn it around and send it back.
A kind, respectful response has a way of calming angry people.
I deal with people all the time at work, all the time, from all walks of life.
And there's one thing that I've found that's very disarming to people.
And a lot of can I let you in on a secret about men?
Ladies, would you like to know a secret about men?
Men, you correct me if I'm wrong.
If you correct me, though, you just lost your man card.
This is true with most men.
Most men, when they're walking somewhere and they come and they encounter another man that they don't know, Most men are sizing the other fellow up.
Brother Shepard, am I right?
Right, Christian?
Yeah, not because you hate the person, it's just that something God put in a man.
That they're trying to size the person up.
What if this person were to do A, B, and C to me right now?
Ladies, you want a fellow that thinks like that.
Because God put Adam in the garden to dress it and to keep it.
And there's one thing I've found when there's some fellow walking in and He's doing like this, you know, because men, men will do that.
They'll posture themselves when they're walking to make sure you know that I'm a. .
Don't want to mess with me, you know.
And you know what?
I found disarms people almost every time, no matter how stern they are.
Hey, good morning, how are you?
Boom.
Completely disarms.
Hey, how are you?
You know, and the whole look on the, you know why?
You just let that person know: I acknowledge you, I respect you, I care about you, I wish you well.
And suddenly, the person doesn't have to worry about sizing you up anymore because they just sized you up and realized they're not a threat.
They're amiable.
They're on my side.
They care about my well-being.
Am I right, Christian?
That's the way it works.
That's the way it works.
So that's part of having a soft answer.
My response to meeting a person.
My response to that person being upset, my response to whatever, how am I responding to another individual, and my response needs to be one of respect.
Concern.
It needs to be something that is soft.
I walked out.
I can't remember if I told y'all. about this the uh or not, but it it popped in my mind.
If I told you, you can just listen to it again.
But I walked out of our building the other day and there was a man out there.
Look he looked like he was transient, maybe a homeless man.
And he looked like he was in a kung fu movie.
And he's over there doing his little kung fu moves.
And, well, I'm in uniform.
And when a person in uniform appears, it can make some people tense.
And how a person in uniform responds to someone Can then determine how the situation is.
It can fix it, it can aggravate it, it can do whatever.
And I'm looking at this person.
And I'm thinking, okay, is this person crazy?
Are they dangerous?
Are they going to hurt someone out here?
Why are they. .
Acting like they're in a kung fu movie doing their woo and all that stuff.
I mean, seriously, why are they doing this?
And so I paused, I acknowledged him, and I said, Hey man.
What kind of martial art is that?
He said, It's all kinds of different arts, all mixed together.
I said, man, you're looking good.
What I told him.
You could see the look on his face.
A look of acceptance and pride, and I could tell, man, I was that guy's friend.
You know what he did?
He finished his little move up and he just went on somewhere else downtown.
He was gone.
He thanked me too.
He thanked me.
You know what?
That might have been the only nice thing anyone said to him that day.
Being a transient, homeless guy may have been the nice thing that he's heard in a long time.
People need a soft response.
That was my response to seeing a man living out a kung fu movie in public.
But we all have to have responses.
I could have gone out and said, What are you doing?
Are you crazy or something?
And he may have been crazy, and we may have had a problem.
So a soft answer turns away wrath.
Now let's look at the second part of this.
Look back in your text, but grievous words stir up anger.
Grievous words stir up anger.
Now, the Hebrew translation of the word grievous, I like it.
T O I L, Toil It literally means an earthen vessel.
And I'm figuring it's because of the toil, the work you put into making that vessel.
But it means work.
Toil.
Not the kind of work that you enjoy doing, but the kind of work that depletes you.
That's taxing on you, toil.
You see, people by nature, people by God's design.
Like to be at rest, don't we?
We love our.
How many of y'all like your hard chair?
Or would you rather have your easy chair?
You know, I mean, I want my easy chair.
We want to be at rest.
Even if we're working, our mind, our heart should be at rest.
We should feel.
Restful.
My wife the other day, my wife worked so hard preparing for VBS.
She worked so hard making signs, doing just all kinds of stuff, t-shirts, everything.
And I said, sweetheart, you know, don't overdo it.
And she says, I like doing this.
Okay?
You see, that's work.
That's not toilsome.
Not that you don't get tired doing it.
But it's work that you can be happy doing.
And there's a difference.
But grievous words are words that bring toil upon a person.
Physical toil, emotional toil, when God designed us to be at rest.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a sad phone call.
I was lying in bed.
Ms.
Tammy and I were about to watch something on television.
And I mean, we just, it was ready to go, man.
We have a date every night, by the way, don't we?
We have a date every night.
Every night.
And so we're about to start our date, and I answer the phone, and it's a bad phone call.
So I get up and I go to my study and I've been there, I don't know, listening for an hour or so.
And it was heavy.
It was a heavy phone call.
About some people we care about, and all night long My heart just felt like this: pressure.
I'm not talking about a heart attack.
I'm talking about weight, burden.
You wake up, go to the bathroom, you remember it, your burden.
You lay down, you're tossing and turning.
You go about the day, your stomach's in knots.
Do you know what that is?
That's toil.
Your body is getting exhausted dealing with the words you heard.
Whether it's physical, spiritual, or an emotional burden, and a burden's a weight.
Right?
A burden is something heavy, you've got to tote it around and carry.
It takes a lot of strain to carry something heavy.
Whether it's a spiritual heaviness, a physical heaviness, a mental heaviness, but any word.
That we speak, any response, any reaction that we have that unnecessarily heaps a heavy burden on someone's shoulders.
That's a grievous word.
That's a grievous response that we give.
It can make people angry.
It can upset their natural state of rest that God created them for.
Jesus wants us to rest.
He said in Matthew 11:29, Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart.
And ye shall find rest unto your souls.
He wants us to be at rest.
Now, he wants our souls to work, but he wants us because that was the curse of the Garden of Eden.
When Adam sinned, that was the curse that God gave.
Because he put Adam in the garden to dress it and to keep it.
Both dressing and keeping are work.
It's when sin came into the picture that he told Adam, in the sweat of your face you're now going to do this.
In other words, now the work that once would have been so light and joyful is now going to be toilsome.
It's going to tax you.
So make sure your words don't stir up.
Literally, that word stir up means give rise, right?
And we could we say in East Texas, we say, stir up.
Don't stir something up.
But when it says here, Grievous words stir up anger.
Many things they give rise.
They cause something that may not, there may not be any trouble whatsoever.
Someone may be at a state of rest.
And then suddenly we say something, we do something, we respond to someone in some way that takes their state of well-being, and suddenly we upset it.
And now Y'all know what I'm talking about.
Maybe y'all have seen the cartoons.
It depicts this very well.
When someone gets angry and then that person gets red up their neck and then the red goes all the way up and their whole face and head gets red.
That's that rising, that stirring up that is talking about here in the book of Proverbs And I've felt that anger in my own heart just and go up like that before when someone gets me upset and upsets my natural state of God-given rest.
In many cases, all you have to do is say the same thing, get the same point across, but just choose your words in a softer way.
Or say them in a sometimes it's not what we say, it's how we say it.
And choose a way that You know, that puts your arm around their back and pats them rather than punches them in the nose.
You know, words can do either one.
But say them in a different tone of voice, in a different way.
She won't stir up that anger.
Oftentimes, All it takes is for a person to know that you care about them and mean them no harm.
And if they sense that from you, Then you won't upset their natural state of rest.
You won't be toilsome to them.
Father, we thank you so much for your precious word and for these practical life lessons.
That we get every single time we look into the book of Proverbs.
Lessons, Lord, that you know we have to learn.
Because of sin.
And we have to work around it.
We have to deal with sin.
We have to deal with broken people.
And Lord, help us as broken people learn to be tender.
With our fellow damaged creatures.
We ask it in Jesus' precious name.
And I pray you'll be with our VBS in the morning and take everyone home safely tonight.
And bring us back safely the next Lord's Day in Jesus' name.
Amen.
